Fatherhood

Frank said he'd be interested in my thoughts on this...

One thing that struck me about becoming father for the first time was "fear". This was oddly surprising. When you realise this new baby is your responsibility, that they can't fend for themselves, that there are LOTS of things that could go wrong and you only have limited control on preventing some of the things that can go wrong. You realise you need to provide, protect, and nurture. I had to love this kid, in the verb sense. It's not enough to feel love for your kid, but you have to actively love your kid, demonstrate love, etc. For me this was a big learning process. This all hit me in the face as a "realisation" when my first child was born. I "knew" these things in someway before my son was born but it really hits home when the reality was there. Basically I became a lot more vulnerable than I was previously comfortable with and that was scary. I realised I lost some of my independence.

When my second child arrived, the big thing that shocked me is that I had to suddenly share my love with my son and my new daughter. This felt a bit like cheating on my son. But it didnt take too long to adjust.

Now I pretty much feel, whatever happens, it is most important to make the most of the time you have with your kids, love them as much as you can, share as much of yourself with them as possible, and enjoy them. You have to remind yourself, there are ups and downs, you'll make mistakes, you can't be the perfect parent, you shouldn't even try to be, you should be yourself.